Coffee Hour

Love is Not One-Dimensional

There is a trend on social media for denouncing any relationship that doesn’t follow the one man, one woman, all sun and roses formula, or simply does not conform to what society, movies and TV deem to be healthy relationships.

Love, like anything else, is a personal matter that really should only involve the participants in that love and their chosen confidants. But it’s an aspect of our lives which broader media and sales organisations try to dictate because it allows them to make more money off the emotions and misfortunes of other people. Social media tries to push the notion that a healthy relationship should consist of only two people, with no room for cheating or forgiveness. It seeks to tell us that a good relationship must yield children, and there must be no partner sharing. And while this is an entirely valid type of connection to crave, these ideas are forced onto everyone whether they want this for their relationship or not and this path is by no means the only type of love that exists.

Polygamous relationships; partners (especially woman) who have taken their other half back after they cheated, or relationships that survive on minimal physical contact don’t get represented in the media. And if they do,  they get a depicted in a terrible light with people screaming how it’s all wrong, and they could never do it. It’s absolutely acceptable if an unconventional relationship isn’t for you. I do not personally support polygamy or poly-amorous relationships for myself, but I understand they everyone is different, and what works for me will not work for everyone else, and vice versa.

But when a female celebrity chooses to go back to her partner after they’ve cheated, particularly for the children, everyone cries about how stupid she is, never stopping to think how they would react if their children’s happiness was on the line, or how they would act in that situation.

And everyone on social media assumes that because they need to see their partner every day, that anyone who doesn’t need that sort of physical intimacy continuously is in a dysfunctional relationship.

The fact of the matter is: a lot of people who shit on other peoples relationships online have been brainwashed by big corporations, social media and by the entire romantic comedy sector of Hollywood, into believing that conventional, clingy, overly-protective, overly jealous, ‘the man does everything and the woman gets everything’, type of love is the only acceptable love. This allows companies to keep making money out of the endless stream of relationships we get our selves in and out of every year because we’re so impatient to be in a ‘perfect’ conventional’ relationship that we don’t stop to think about what we actually need at that stage in our lives, what we can put up with and if that ‘conventional’ is even what we want.

This Valentine’s day, instead of trying to fit into what society tells us is suitable for us and making an effort to get dressed up and go out on a date, with roses and chocolates, why not, take a step back and ask yourself: am I acting like this because I want to act like this? Or am I acting like this because I’ve been told by Instagram, Twitter, Facebook or The Daily Mail, that this is how I should behave; that this is how I should feel and this is how my Valentine’s day should go?

The Classic Romantic Date: Do you need this? Or have you been told you need this?

There is no one way to love someone. Some people need the devotion of one person, others don’t. Some people need to be around their partner always, others don’t. Some people need the affection of multiple people, others don’t, and some people may not feel lights and fireworks from being in love, but that doesn’t make their a love any less genuine or any less real. So long as you are always being honest with each other, are aware of the limits of what each person can cope with and respect those limits, there is no reason to allow, all of the social media to influence how you behave with your partner. And it’s a wonder that we have managed to allow ourselves to be conditioned over something as intimate and as personal as love and relationships. But corporations are not stupid, and the surest way to suck people of their money is to dictate what is nearest and dearest to them by making you feel inadequate for being in, or being happy in, an unconventional relationship. Humans are not one dimensional, so why should the way we love be?

Do whatever makes you and and the person you’re seeing happy. Everything else is inconsequential.

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